My First University "A"

YAY! I got my first 'A' in university! im so pumped! :) its true that studying actually does work ha so much for knowing that in high school. I think im good at tests because i dont get so worked up over them, some people stress and have panic attacks but i just take it in stride and try to think logically about it. I got 88% on my Intro to Business midterm. I love this class which makes me so happy because i used to hate it and it makes me feel more confident in my choice for a BBA :) hopefully the good forturne keeps up and i do good on my assignemnt. My biggest fear in this school is that i will somehow lose the use of my legs :P ha just kidding

Monday Morning

Well here we are, Monday morning, the onslaught begins. . . again. U of W is a fascinating place, although ive never seen a place where so many people have trouble with their legs, maybe its the asbestos :) jk. School seems all so difficult but we are given so much time, that if i just used the time it would be alot simpler. Good old procrastinating me. I dont really like going to school but i like our english teacher's witty comments and i love end of the world literature. History not so much as it is very repetitive and boring. So many students struggling to survive in a world of A's and D's.  

The Big Bang Theory

Everybody should watch The Big Bang Theory, even if you don't understand all of the complex jokes. Its such a relief to finally have a sitcom that is funny and yet witty. I hate all of these lame shows that pretend to be funny but its just lame (The new adventures of old christine) They suck so much. I cant understand how people like them. The people who made Two and a Half Men and The Big Bang Theory finally got it right. The two top shows on tv and by the same people. Somebody did their homework. Sheldon and Raj make the show, and Kaley is super hot. Sheldons antics will never get old.

Four Walls

I have just hit four walls. The walls that trap, the walls that mock and jest at my mortal soul and my inablilty to overcome them. They are always there, just lurking in the shadows waiting to be triggered. They sneer my name and tell me lies. I know these are lies but they are somehow believable. I stare up and see nothing but stars and the walls that go on forever. In my head i can hear them talking, hear them laughing, hear them poking fun and insulting me for my weakness and my worthlessness. They push me and shove me until i am broken inside. Do you know what it is like to have your spirit broken each and every day? You eventually give up trying. You fight everyday so that you can do it all over again the next day, finding meaningless temporary happiness to escape to for limited time until it all floods back.You can escape in sleep or drink, but once it wears off you are left with nothing except four walls to trap you. It feels like someone is inside your head, someone who is mean and insulting and verbally abusive to you until you finally break and begin to believe the lies he is feeding you. Everyone tries to understand and everyone tries to help but you are alone and he makes you truly believe that. Some would tell you that is the devil, but since i don't believe in the devil i find that hard to believe. More like a subconscious part of you that feels you are never good enough and you could do better, and who wont let you forget it. These are the four walls, and one day i dream they will come crashing down.

The Man called Unknown

The past was bleak, Filled with suffering, tears and long nights as the little man would not go away. He stole the man's childhood innocence, thinking he was the one to break his home, destroy his loved ones. So strong was he that he tore her apart, tears like acid falling every evening, each time burning away the happiness that once filled the man. Countless hours of turmoil combated by as much love as the man and family could muster to help the victim. Techniques that failed, trials that should never have been, even force could not change it. Years of back and forth, yet hope stands strong in the man and his family. Support never faults and moods, yet dark and despair, stay as positive as conceivable. Death would not conquer this very day as it has countless times before. The man crys with frustration and helplessness as he will not leave the mind which he deceives. A battle of wits and chance has emerged, but chance will not be outweighed, the tides turned as love grew stronger, clinging to the person never letting go. As smart as he is, he is no match for perseverance and out right stubbornness. the man and the family never let go, and never accepted defeat.

Sorry but this, this bleak story, has changed me. I hope you read this. I hope you know the ending. I hope you know it was you.

Swimming in nothingness

Well this is number one of this so called blog so here it goes:

Have you ever felt like you don't know who you are, don't know where you are going, don't know what to do next only that you are not happy in your current situation? Welcome to my life. Everyday i get up and do the same old routine, and i know I'm nothing special because tons of people have this, but this is my blog so shhh and just read, and wonder what to do next, how can i make my life worth living? University has made me ever so happy and i find myself in a place where going to the lumber yard to work is all i look forward to in the week. But now how does this make me feel? Picture this with me for a minute will you, picture yourself in water, just floating, there is no land anywhere in sight, like you are in the middle of the ocean. But now, turn off the lights. Everything is black other than moonlight, which is very dim and always in one place just a little bit in front of you. Now try and swim. This is how i feel. The more I swim, the more lost i am with no sense of direction. The moonlight keeps moving just in front and I can never quite reach it. It is like being in a black box filled with oil. Just think about that for a minute, do you think it feels nice? Everyday i go the more tired i get and the more lost i am. What am i supposed to do with my life. I want to go to school but i hate it so much. Blackness is all i can see and i cant find a way out. Perhaps im stuck forever and perhaps i will never be anything but only time will tell. The water is getting warmer and more black, and so far i have gotten nowhere.