Four Walls

I have just hit four walls. The walls that trap, the walls that mock and jest at my mortal soul and my inablilty to overcome them. They are always there, just lurking in the shadows waiting to be triggered. They sneer my name and tell me lies. I know these are lies but they are somehow believable. I stare up and see nothing but stars and the walls that go on forever. In my head i can hear them talking, hear them laughing, hear them poking fun and insulting me for my weakness and my worthlessness. They push me and shove me until i am broken inside. Do you know what it is like to have your spirit broken each and every day? You eventually give up trying. You fight everyday so that you can do it all over again the next day, finding meaningless temporary happiness to escape to for limited time until it all floods back.You can escape in sleep or drink, but once it wears off you are left with nothing except four walls to trap you. It feels like someone is inside your head, someone who is mean and insulting and verbally abusive to you until you finally break and begin to believe the lies he is feeding you. Everyone tries to understand and everyone tries to help but you are alone and he makes you truly believe that. Some would tell you that is the devil, but since i don't believe in the devil i find that hard to believe. More like a subconscious part of you that feels you are never good enough and you could do better, and who wont let you forget it. These are the four walls, and one day i dream they will come crashing down.